Terry the cheap-ass tooth fairy

Dear Child,
Last night while you were sleeping, I came and took ya tooth but not the tooth that you intended. Instead I took your new flashy front teeth to pimp out me gob!...

You see there are times I take the wrong tooth and times I take several, for Terry be my name and tooth fairy be me game but I'm no average fack'n fairy.

I don't like milk and I don't like carrots or cookies but I is plenty partial to Fire-Bomb Cinamon Schnapps.

So if ya cheap-ass ma, Emily, wants my kinda trouble: she'll pull ya teeth out with some string, or tie them to a NERF gun dart and posts ya pain on socials; then she'll scheme to skimp a costly precedent and only leave two lousy dollars. She may even want that back for milkshake money. That is how you'll know, Terry the tooth fairy is come to collect!


P.S. According to the reputable federation of international fairies (IF), the current market rate for all good fairy represented children, is $50 per tooth. Just say'n!

P.P.S. According to 'IF', fair tooth compensation policy states: Recipients of compensation can't be requested to use their funds as milkshake money. However, if parents are short of funds, they can request to borrow tooth fairy funds at an interest rate of 10% per day for generous parents and 20% per day for cheap-ass others.



Sympathy for devil, Rolling Stones 1968

Some say the devil is dead



Tooth Fairy (Wikipedia)